I am 18. I do not have children. So, I completely understand if you write this off as a pretentious case of kid-thinks-they-know-better. I'm going to write it anyway.
I'm one of those lucky college kids that has an amazing job: I get to teach kids gymnastics. If you know me, you understand why this is a perfect fit. But while I know my kip drills and level four floor routine like the lyrics of Wicked, what I don't know is kids. More specifically, ill-behaved kids.
Let me start by saying that I have taught a lot of wonderful kiddos and that I love them all regardless of their behavior. That doesn't mean I always have to like them.
1. Teach your children how to apologize.
Yeah, I know, this sounds like a no-brainer. I thought so, too, until one of my kinder gymnasts hit one of his classmates. I told him to say sorry, but he just grunt-screamed at me and then ran to his mom. I went to explain what was going on and to tell the mother that her son would have to sit with her until he was ready to say sorry because we don't hit in my class. She told me, "Oh, he doesn't understand apologizing" and sent him back to class. I was dumbfounded. How can a kid not understand apologizing at the age of five? Teach your children to say they're sorry. And while you're at it, teach them not to hit. Or grunt-scream.
2. You're kids can hear you. And they will mimic you.
I had an especially young little girl in one of my kinder classes. She was only three and a half. Really, she was too young and should have been in the parent-tot class, but her parents (accidentally, I think) signed her up for Kinder 1. She had a rather developed attitude problem for such a young age. Completely adorable, but horribly sassy. There was a time she decided that she'd like to climb on the high beam. I told her she couldn't do that because she might fall off and get hurt. I pulled her off and started to tell her what we were doing, but I didn't get to finish because I was interrupted by, "I don't want to hear you talking anymore." I was surprised, but had a little more experience by then and didn't miss a beat with my response of "Well, I'm sorry, but I'm the teacher and you're going to have to listen to me." So the kid crosses her arms and starts marching away. "Where are you going?" I asked. And here's the kicker: "I don't want to see your face anymore." Oh, excuse me? One rude exclamation of desire - fine. But two? Oh, no. Now, where do you think she came up with these things? I have no proof, but I'd say she's quoting Mom or Dad. So, keep in mind - what you say, they will say. And who knows who they'll say it to. It could be an appalled teen blogger, or it could be your boss.
3. Have rules.
And follow through with them. The most challenging student I had over the course of the year was a little boy with lots of affection and no discipline. He gave me hugs and brought me flowers, but he routinely told me he wanted a different teacher. Color me confused. I learned that this kid likes to play games. Games like Catch Me if You Can (while I run through the cross-tumblers), How Many Classmates can I Make Cry, and, his favorite, How Far can I Push Teacher Before She Explodes. In case you were wondering, he never got the answer to that last one. But, oh Lord, did he try. In our first class, after the first instruction I gave, he let me know that he doesn't have rules at home. Really. And I quote: "My mom says I can do whatever I want." I told him that I'm not his mom, I'm his coach. But the fact is, I'm not his mom, I'm his coach, so even though I got him to behave decently for me by the end of the quarter, the discipline he got from me will wash off in his next bath if it isn't reinforced at home. Now, I know that he could have been lying about what his mom told him, but with his behavior as evidence, I believe it.
These stories are just a few of what could be a mildly entertaining coffee table book. I'd love to tell them all, if only because I need to know that I'm not the only person whose soul dies a little when I meet kids in such need of discipline, in need of parenting. I know I'm making big accusations here and I also know that I'm very biased when I say that I make those accusations based on the fact that my parents taught me so much better. But then, I don't think my bias makes me any less right. Again, though, probably biased; it's a vicious cycle. I guess my reasoning is this: I would never have even considered speaking to my teacher - or any big person - the way I've been spoken to by some of my students. And I stood in line when I was told to do so, just like I said sorry when I hurt someone's feelings. And I never hit anyone because I was told not to hit. I bit my brother once when I was four... That didn't end well for me. Because I was punished. Because I was a child and my parents had to teach me discipline. Because that's how kids learn to be decent human beings.
All this to say: Parents, parent*.
*This is a verb. I thought I should clarify in case of confusion.
No comments:
Post a Comment